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Becoming Emotionally Intelligent

Updated: Apr 7, 2020

As an emotional intelligence coach I feel compelled to express the importance of EQ in the world run by computers and machines.

EQ has become the one of the most important human abilities surpassing technical potentials, and it has been one of the fastest growing job skills of 21st century.

EQ is the emotional relative of IQ (cognitive intelligence) but yet, it is so different.

What's more important in determining life success - book smarts or street smarts? This question gets at the heart of an important debate contrasting the relative importance of cognitive intelligence (IQ) and emotional intelligence (EQ). Advocates of the so called "book smarts" might suggest that it is our IQ that plays the critical role in determining how well people fair in life. Those who stand for the importance of what might be called "street smarts" would instead suggest that EQ is even more important. So which is it?

In his book Emotional Intelligence, author and psychologist Daniel Goleman suggested that EQ (or emotional intelligence quotient) might actually be more important than IQ.1 Why? Some psychologists believe that standard measures of intelligence (i.e. IQ scores) are too narrow and do not encompass the full range of human intelligence. The psychologist Howard Gardner, for example, has suggested that intelligence is not simply a single general ability. Instead, he suggests that there are actually multiple intelligences and that people may have strengths in a number of these areas. Instead of focusing on a single, general intelligence, usually referred to as the "G" factor, some experts believe that the ability to understand and express emotions can play an equal if the not more important role in how people fare in life.

So you might be wondering if emotional intelligence is so important, can it be taught or strengthened? According to one meta-analysis that looked at the results of social and emotional learning programs, the answer to that question is definitely a YES!

Understanding EQ - Emotional Quotient

1. How do you define it?

2. How does it fit within your mental structure?

3. Why is it important?

Defining Emotional Intelligence

1. Understanding and expressing emotions.

2. Using empathy.

Along with our personality and IQ, Emotional Intelligence is a part of our psychological make-up. These tree elements make us who we are and determine how we interact with others. All of those elements operate independently to help us solve problems and make decisions.

Personality and IQ are fairly fixed, but everyone has the ability to enhance our EQ, by learning and practicing skills. Growing your emotional intelligence will have a direct impact on your performance, achievements and relationships you build.

Measuring EQ focuses on 4 criteria.

1. Being aware of emotions

2. Expressing emotions

3. Controlling emotions

4. Relationship management

Areas of EQ

1. Self-awareness

2. Self-management

3. Social-awareness

4. Relationship development

The role of emotions and EQ

Feelings and emotions can reflect pleasure or displeasure, and can be extreme or mild.

Have you ever experienced an extreme emotions one day, and another day it affected you mildly or not at all? If we cannot control management of our feelings, our emotions are taking a lead. At times this may work in our favor, other times can cause us a lot of trouble. There is a chain reaction of our feelings and our behaviour. Our emotions cause physiological response which is all about how we process information and how we judge the situation in our heads. Our emotions also cause physiological reaction such as shaking, sweating, racing heart. You may experience both of those reactions at the same time. The process is internal. It means that whatever goes on in your head. Goes also in your body, That leads to behavioral reaction.

Emotions --> Response --> Physical Response --> Fear --> Anger --> Heart Race

Thinking at the speed of light.

Have you ever been in a conversation that in a matter of seconds turned into a heated exchange of a verbal diarrhea? Emotional responses are sooo quick. It really takes conscious practice of our emotional process.

There is two ways of thinking;

- fast emotional and intuitive,

- and slow, deliberate and logical.

Fast thinking can be extremely useful on day to day, It helps us making quick decisions and carry out tasks at easy, Sometimes however fast thinking can get us into deep terrible situations, leading us to use biases and assumptions, When actually there may be a better way to process the information. It honestly helps to slow down to reshape our assumptions, reinterpret situations and change our response. In order to change our future start to accept the past behavior and learn from it Start using that to define how you can change your behaviors in the future. It is a learning curve, In the heat of the moment it can be very hard and it takes practice. If you learn how to slow down it will be far more likely to achieve something positive from any situation.

Understanding and managing emotions provide you with control of how you process information and how you behave.

How well do you manage your emotions in your private life and at work? Do you feel in control of how you react in turn of the events? Or would you like to get better at it? Don't hesitate to contact me if you'd like some help. The results of a detailed EQ test will point out what areas you need help the most and with appropriate training, exercise and conversations we can get you right back on track in becoming emotionally intelligent individual.

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