Updated: Apr 27, 2020
What is success and how do you define it? We often ask ourselves this question and obviously it is an individual thing but most of us define it in a similar way. We all want to do something meaningful that we are passionate about and it is driven by purpose. We want to be a part of something bigger than ourselves and be paid well for it. We also want powerful and meaningful relationships. Would you agree that success is closely dependent on the relationships we build, and those relationships hugely depend on your communication skills? How many of you have received communication lessons and exercises at school?... Not many huh? It is an area that is totally left out by the educational system and yet it is a critical skill in order to put us on a successful path.
I tell you a little story.
I was married for 17 years to someone that was the closest thing that I could call a flame twin. We were running a successful business, had 2 beautiful children, an amazing house, dogs, cars, money, and I loved my husband very much. But I wasn't happy. When I turned 39, I suddenly had a vision of the rest of my life in tears and sadness. I was too young to live like this for the rest of my life and I was scared that if I don't change something now, I will soon be too old to change anything at all. Even though there were love and passion in my marriage now I believe the feelings were too strong for both of us to handle. The painful process of changes started with the divorce. It was hands down the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. I was scared, to live my life without the guy I loved so much but it was the only way to keep my sanity. Little did I know, that it was just the beginning of my troubles. I have always been a very proud human being and I have left my marriage without anything materialistic. All I took was the kids, my clothes and the cheaper car. My husband was putting a lot of effort into our finances so I left it all for him. Even though I tried to be strong I did not do very well on my own. My heart was broken and I was emotionally vulnerable. And, of course, I did not fail to meet people who took advantage of it. About 2 years after my divorce I end up in my old, tiny apartment in NYC. I have lost everything at that time. The business, my house, my car, my family, my money, sanity, and my health. I was in and out of the hospital for the next 3 years and doctors could not figure out what was wrong with me. I was in a state of abject misery. I was in a complete mental and physical breakdown. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't work and I have spent those years convalescing and sitting in a chair crying because my whole body was spazzing inside and out. I was playing a game at that time called "Make it to the next hour". That's how bad I was. The hardest part of it was that I didn't really know what was wrong. All I knew was, that I found myself in the wrong place. NYC was not my piece of Earth. So I packed my bags and moved back to Arizona where I previously lived with my husband. My transformations began. Three years after that I had my own house, I was a life coach and energy healer building my own practice and in the middle of my first book that I hope to publish by the end of this summer. This was all thanks to the power of communication and the transformation it can create. It was a skill that I had to learn. I love learning. I love it because it makes me suck less. Those who know me a little closer, know that English is not my first language and I do have a pronounced accent. The good news is, that it has nothing to do with communication skills. It is all about the ability to connect with people.
In today's world, we have all this advanced technology that allows us to stay connected. but ironically it only makes things worse. I personally do not like texting. Want to talk to me then just call me!! People seem to be getting dumber and dumber.. We have all this amazing technology and basically computers have turned into 4 figure wanking machines... Internet was supposed to set us free, democratize us but all it gave us is Donald Trumps presidency and 24-hour access to kitty porn... People don't write anymore, they blog.. Instead of talking, they text.. No punctuation, no grammar.. LOL this and LMAO that.. It's just a bunch of stupid people pseudo communicating with another bunch of stupid people in a language that caveman use to speak.. No wonder we constantly feel misunderstood.. Or is it just me? How many of you have ever received a text that they found offensive when it was only meant to be a joke? This is why texting is only a portion of the communication quality. Vocal tonality will tell you everything about the person's intention, motivations, and emotions.
Did you know that we have more than one brain? We actually have three. Dr. Paul MacLeen, an American scientist revealed a study about triune brain. He talks about this model of the evolution of the vertebrate forebrain and behavior. The three brains are your HEAD brain, your HEART brain, and your GUT brain. They act like an orchestra, with billions of neurons cooperating to produce a harmonic symphony - harnessing together an ever-changing network of neurons that work in synchrony. The outer portion of the brain called Neocortex meaning new layer - is the latest addition in evolution. Neocortex wraps around a portion of a brain that we call limbic system - a set of structures in the brain that deal with emotions and memory. That's your monkey brain. Whenever we get loaded with booze or drugs you turn off your neocortex because the alcohol anesthetizes your brain from the outside in and you start leading with your monkey brain. You say things like "Hey, I love you man", "hey, you wanna fuck?" "I'm fucking hungry, dude". Underneath that, you have something we call the reptilian brain - that's your lizard called R-complex. It controls habits, rituals, territorial things etc. All those brains are connected to other organs. Neocortex to your head, limbic to your heart, and lizard brain to the gut. An interesting fact is that if you take a hunk of heart and give it to neuroanatomist, he will not be able to tell the difference between that and brain matter. And that is because it is so full of neurons. The heart is not just a pump. It is an organ of knowledge - a center of perception. So now thanks to neuroscience we know that phrases like " I knew it in my heart" or "trust your heart", "Follow your hurt" come from somewhere. Despite the scientific explanation of love - chemistry, and hormones that are regulated in your pituitary gland, love actually does come from the heart. The brain of emotion. And emotions are based on your body experiences. The gut has a similar action, "I knew it in my gut" sometimes your gut tells you that something is the right thing to do, but your head disagrees. Our gut physiological responses also change when we are under pressure. So we really have three brains, they are not however very well integrated. It is simple, the head thinks, the heart feels and gut-brain is responsible for your body sensations. All of them thought are forms of intelligence. Many people's communications are formed up in the head and they are really not paying attention to the cues that are going in dialogue with the rest of your body. If you need to become a master in communications you need to start listening to your body responses as well. You need to accept yourselves as a multi-dimensional being.
I give you an example. Have you ever been with someone that was all up in your head but you didn't feel that heart or gut connection with that person? How did that relationship turn out? Are you still friends? You need to start trusting yourself because trust is a foundation of all communication. So if you don't feel someone or something in your heart or gut, there is not going to be any trust no matter what your head is telling you. Another example; how many times you have walked in the room with other people in it, shortly after an argument or a heated conversation. You can almost smell the heavy atmosphere, even though no one is saying a word and you have no clue what just happen in there. Why? because the tension is so thick you can cut it. Where do you think that comes from? It is a felt experience and it is communication. So now you hopefully understand how critical it is to have all your three brains to have on the same page. If someone has that connection established, they can walk into a room and you can sense their presence right away. That is because we all have an electromagnetic field and a person in love, for example, has a field of 15 feet in diameter. Have you ever sat next to a person like a parent or a grandparent and felt that soothing warmth generating from them? It is because you are sitting in a space of unconditional love. Now if you get upset, that electromagnetic field collapses down upon itself. Living in a western world we have that thing of the left brain educated into us to ignore certain feelings and use logic instead. The center of your being is actually not in your head but it is down in your gut. In spirituality, this is the center of your consciousness and the center of your soul. We tend to forget, especially in the work environment that the person we are talking to is another soul. For us it is just about the numbers, the goals met and the sale we need to make. There are two different ways of doing business. One of them is to have fun, love the people you work with, and truly be of service and grow together with them over the course of your life. The second way is the get shit done the right way, do it fast, get peoples' money, and extract the most out of them in order to make your business grow financially. It's really old school kinda way.
Another important factor in building strong relationships is the ability to listen. If you don't listen and have other thoughts in your head it is totally visible. This is especially important on dates. If you want to impress someone then be Engadget in the conversation not just by talking nonsense but by listening and responding accordingly. If the girl tells you something cute her cat does don't cut her off in the middle of the sentence to tell her what kind of tricks your dog knows. Instead, pay attention, and ask questions, show your interest. Trick here though you have to be real. If you have difficulty listening. Place your awareness just below your belly button and inside. It is the lower dantian, it is the power center of your brain and the center of your energy - your Chi. And if you want to be present then you need to connect to that place. It brings your other senses to the moment.
So the reason why am I bringing all this up is because, our planet is in a pretty bad shape in many different ways. And it is going to take an effort of tons of people working together in very challenging and complex situations. We need to manage a lot of stressful situations, shared visions, missions, in order to get our home planet back on the right track. And there isn't any way, that it will happen from your head alone. It is a mission impossible. I am sorry, but this is just the truth. Only when those three centers are awake, active, and brought to awareness and function you will experience the desire for that flow more frequently. Regardless of what western society is teaching us about using your head and logic, we can NOT just use the rest of our body like a dumpster bag. You are leaving out 67% of your brain so to speak. We need all three centers, I can't stress that enough. We need to use our head for thoughts, presence, brilliance, and creativity. We need the heart for soulfulness and to do the right thing without harming ourselves in the process, others, or our world. And we also need our gut-brain for vitality, beingness, and power in order to make it sustainable because changes are not easy.
I hope that you took something out of this article and will begin to practice using all of your senses so you can get really good and comfortable with it, and share it with everyone else you know. And then watch what happens. If you have any thoughts or questions about this stuff please let me know. I absolutely am open to discussions about it.
You are a multi-dimensional being that is able to recognize different forms of intelligence that are part of different bodies. We already have heard of the physical body, mental body, and emotional body and they are real, even though science is not able to prove it yet as of today, but we are aiming in that direction and if you are willing to do the work you can discover that on your own. It is the best thing in the world because this is where evolution is heading anyway.