Updated: Apr 7
In order to detect if someone is playing the victim, they usually look at the glass half empty. Constant victims are people who think that the world happened to them. The victims of victim syndrome ALWAYS complain. They blame their friends, family members, co-workers, partners for everything that goes wrong in their life. They believe that they have no control over the way the events unfold, and to equal the equation; don't feel the sense of responsibility for them. People with victim mindset often display passive-aggressive characteristic while interacting with others, they know how to inflame someone really well. They have a knack for dragging others into their emotional storm, keeping them off-balance with their talent for shape-shifting. One moment, they present themselves as victims; the next they are morphing into victimizers, hurting the people who are trying to help them. If you want to try to make anything easier for them, prepare yourself for an excruciating process.
Even still, in most circumstances where there is a person who experiences legitimate hardships and tragedies that they cannot seem to move beyond, there are people who experience these same things and worse but still find a way to overcome it, learn from it and excel personally and professionally. We all have good and bad days. Things go wrong and it is easy to feel like a victim. You blame life, others, or situations for things that go wrong, rather than looking at how fast you run away to escape the feeling of not being good enough. If you ever recognize the victim feeling, you can end up stuck and lose control over your life. This is a perfect occasion for your inner critic to take over your ass right there.
There is another type of victim mindset. Narcissists play victims. There's something slightly degrading in the act of playing the victim. Surely, you would think that someone who thinks that highly of themselves would never act that way. But I assure you, it all comes back to them as a reward in a form of their image and the attention they're seeking. For example, imagine you've confronted the narcissist about something mean. Within moments, the conversation shifts to how hard they have it, how tough their day has been, and how you were the one making them feel bad. Suddenly you are the one feeling like a dick.
Narcissists victims can be difficult to spot, especially if they are older and more sophisticated. We think that a narcissist is a person that is in love with their image, and constantly checking themselves out in a mirror. But it is not always about visual image. Image is also a reputation, as well as the level of attention, which is their biggest priority. Narcissists are constantly concerned with how people regard them. People with narcissistic syndrome don't always love themselves. They are just consumed with themselves. They don’t have to love or even like themselves. In fact, they can even outright hate themselves and, in an ironic twist, that self-hatred can fuel some severe narcissism. Over time, they learn how to optimally manipulate their victims, and get by with their schemes without anyone questioning them.
You would think that I describe real monsters here. But in their defense I have to say that no one really consciously chooses to become a victim. Things in life happen and some of us are weaker emotionally than others and deal with changes in a different way. I'd say that it is more a way of how people fall into the victim mindset. Simply because it works for them. It becomes a strategy to deal with life. Everyone of us always tries to find that special place of comfort. This is theirs...
In my next article I will be writing about the second of the mindsets. The Surviver. Stay tune.